just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
