Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
