is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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