dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
