the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
