Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
