I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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