The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
