Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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