i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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