I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
