i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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