I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
