this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize