I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
