I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He passed out mid-signature
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
