Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
