I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
