What a fucking waste of an outfit
North Korea, Best Korea!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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