so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
