actually, I'm a sock model
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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