i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
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