Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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