Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
