i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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