does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
