That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
