Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
