Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
