She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
