Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
