I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
