Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
