apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
