There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
