He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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