Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
