i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
