i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
