he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
operation have a gay friend backfired
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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