and she was petting her beer can
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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