I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
