I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
