I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
