apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize