Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
