I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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