Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
