is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
