dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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