My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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