The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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