I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
