I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
