My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize