Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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