so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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