Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
