my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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