she was so not down for the gang bang
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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