So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
