this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
