Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
