im drinking this country out of the recession.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
