Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
