if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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