so explain again why im purple
no
4 words: hood of his car
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
