There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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