I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
