sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
