today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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