Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When did angry sex become our thing?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
