We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
40s are totally the cure
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
