So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
