I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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