All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
