guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
