Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
