New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
