what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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