It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
