Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
