her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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