I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
