You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
