I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
